This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
