Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
