Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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