my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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