One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
