shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
