She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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