I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
