Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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