Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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