i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
