We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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