So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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