everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
