Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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