You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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