WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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