i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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