Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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