I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
