don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
