Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
