I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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