so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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