My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
