i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
