The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
