The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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