I just saw a hot homeless man
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
