Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
