Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
