Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
