i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
