Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
