i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
