Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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