i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
