By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
