there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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