"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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