She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
