Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
