oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
