Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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