on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
