He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
