if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
