He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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