But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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