my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
