Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
