his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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