im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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